Lousy Design
by Rinne
Summary: Trip and Jon are in a shuttlepod...Very short. Part 2 added. Please read!
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: No attempt is made to supersede copyright held by Paramount etc etc. Only the storyline is the property of the author and may not be taken elsewhere without written permission!

Archive: Yes, but please ask.

A/N: This is a result of a comment from Similitude...

"I told you to go before we left," Archer said, frustrated.

"But, I didn't need to go then," Trip whined, trying to think off anything else. Whoever had designed the shuttle pods had a lot to answer for.

"Trip, it's not like we can pull over and you can go into some bushes," Archer said.

Trip gave him a dirty look, not liking the fact that he was making fun of the situation.

"And how will it look if we return to Enterprise for a toilet break?"

"Captain, I don't care how it looks right now. Unless there's a bottle in here somewhere, we better head back. And no fake turbulence, alright?"

Archer tried not to laugh.

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"Captain, you're back earlier than we expected," Malcolm said, as Trip sprinted past him and out the door. He looked back at Archer with a puzzled look on his face. "Sir?"

"He left a tap running." Archer said, with some bemusement, as he walked out of the bay.


	2. Part 2

**A/N: **I didn't intend to write a second part to this, but it largely wrote itself. This is set some time after the first part. No offence is meant to anybody by this story.

Part 2 

Jon plonked an empty bottle in front of Trip. Trip looked up at his friend's smirking face with slightly amused derision. "A precaution," Jon said.

Trip rolled his eyes. "Very funny, Captain."

"You realise you would have been screwed if you were a woman?" Jon said as he started the shuttle pod moving.

Trip snorted. "Don't let Hoshi hear you say something like that, I guarantee you won't be able to go for weeks."

"Well, I suppose there's one upside to your problem," Jon started.

"I don't have a problem," Trip protested.

"There is one upside," Jon continued over the top of him, "you can always give the doctors a urine sample."

Trip shook his head in bemusement. "Why would I need to give the doctors urine samples?"

"Or maybe you can sell your urine samples on the black market." Jon was trying hard not to laugh.

"Have you been smoking something, Captain?" Trip asked. He looked at the bottle. An empty bottle. An empty bottle of bourbon. His stomach dropped. "Have you been drinking? Are you flying under the influence?"

Jon laughed. "No."

"I'm not sure whether I believe you," Trip said suspiciously.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

Trip leaned forward and sniffed, causing Jon to laugh harder.

"Well, I can't smell any alcohol," Trip muttered unhappily. "So what has made you so damn hyperactive?"

"Red cordial."

"Red cordial?"

"One of the crew suggested that Chef bring some onboard. Apparently it has lots of red food colouring, which makes you hyperactive. He didn't mention that before I'd drunk it."

Trip closed his eyes and shook his head with amusement. "So how much did you drink?"

"Six glasses."

"Six!"

Jon giggled again. "I'm kidding. Four. In the last two hours."

"Somehow I don't think I'm going to be the one needing this." Trip plonked the empty bottle in front of Jon.

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Trip smirked. And smirked. And smirked.

"Quit it," Jon said grumpily.

"What?" Trip asked with his best innocent face. "I was just remembering how therapeutic that spa we went to was. All that running water, flowing over you. Drip. Drip. Drip." He watched Jon shift his position. "You know, there is always the bottle. Or we could go back to Enterprise."

"No."

"Yeah, I mean, I guess the neck isn't wide enough. And an old man like you wouldn't be that good an aim anyway."

When Jon turned his head to glare at Trip he saw a self-satisfied smile on his face, which he was determined to wipe.

"How's Dumbo, Trip?" Jon smiled evilly. Trip had gone pale. "You're lucky it still works, after doing that to it. Remind me not to give my sons toys with ribbons when they are young."

Trip's mouth hung open. He finally said, "How?"

"Do I know?" Jon finished. "Your brother."

Trip remained in stunned silence.

'Trip 1, Jon 2,' Jon thought.

Trip sat and plotted revenge. On both of them.

**A/N:** Okay, I wrote this story, then wanted to check whether red cordial is something that's drunk in America. Apparently not. It contains lots of red food colouring which made lots of kids hyperactive here in Australia until it was banned. Nothing else really fitted what I was trying to do, so it stays.


End file.
